apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
