yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize