You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
