you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
