you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
