Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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