So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
