All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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