The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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