Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
