just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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