I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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