help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
