Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.

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(614): View more from Ohio

If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

Fav 6 2020 819
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(407): View more from Florida

I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises

Fav 8 3055 912
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(757): View more from Virginia

It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.

Fav 23 1919 4535
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Nah. I did too.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.

Fav 10 911 3380
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(985): View more from Louisiana

I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.

Fav 2 1017 544
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(585): View more from New York

I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.

Fav 4 405 144
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