how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
