What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
