he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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