Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
