i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
