It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am midnight drunk by noon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
