hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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