thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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