woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
