Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
