I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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