New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
