Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
