You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
