You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
