Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
