If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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