he wants to bone in the snuggie
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
