Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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