I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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