im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
