Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
