Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize