Sponge bath it is.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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