I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
