you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize