im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
