Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize