Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
