I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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