if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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