You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
