last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
