I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
