ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
