There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
