i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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