I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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