Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
