IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
