Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize