A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
