I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
