everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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