peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
