I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
