We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
