I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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