I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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