I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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