What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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