He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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