we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
