if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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