I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
