Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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