you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
