I wish I could teleport
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
