ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
