I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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