Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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